Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. When you feel rejected, she will sense your reactions and you end up in vicious circle of guilt, sadness, rejection, and more sadness and guilt. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. Hi, she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. XOXO, Paula. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . its hard to be a parent but it is very important. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. Im starting to become resentful of my husband (who is not taking me seriously at all) and even worse my son xx. What scares me the most is that I dont want her to start having tantrums when she cant get what she wants. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. It has been 37 years and we are not close. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. He cant be without her for even a minute. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. Do you think itll pass? It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. The situation must be painful for you. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. A boy and a girl. Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. This can make a toddler feel like mom has been taken away or even rejected. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. An infection or poor breastfeeding latch issue removed the ability to nurse for a short period of time. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. She cries for her grand mother. I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. Paula. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? 11. Which is great but I feel useless. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? And when I get her home she ignores me. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. If grandad isnt there he wants to no me but if he is there he just blanks me, i try my hardest to try get his attention with no luck he just ignores me & blanks me. Sigh. It is an intensive period. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. i want to know if this is normal or just a phrae shes going through. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. I feel so much for you! On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. What happened? One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. His mother lets him do what he wants when he wants while Im at work, so I have no say so in the fact. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. This is the age when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety may come in full force. This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. Kiss him and love him non stop. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. I used to adore my parents to death. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. My son is now 14 mos old and he is bonded to me. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. Tomorrow I am going back to work full time after taking 4 months off to be with my son. But it is so important! Please help!!!!! When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! What is wrong with me? do my twins love me less? Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. You are not the only mother this has happened to. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. I dont get it. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. So chin up, head down. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! When you spend time with your baby, make it 'quality' time . You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. Plan pumping while at work. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. I cant stop crying. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. Ignore the unwanted behaviour and praise the good an all that but God its hard when my feelings are in shreds. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. Im a 26 yr old dad. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. Then try some of these methods: 1. At 15 months, she lives in the present. Sep. 5, 2016. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. My 5 year old son rejects me. And Im 14!! Adjustment takes time. She preferred me up until recently. Sigh. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. I miss my baby terribly. You can never get this time back. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. He just screams in my arms. I would hate for it to be the opposite. It must be very confusing for her. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. 4. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. Peek-a-boo. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. I just want to cry and cry. I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. All she needs is her grandparents or father. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. Its easy for the preferred parent to dismiss our emotions. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. Babies dont put anything extra in a certain word compared to another. Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. A few weeks back she was ill and I stayed at home to look after her. She doesnt want me at all, except whn she needed 2have milk. This can be incredibly painful and worrying for the parent not in favor, but in most cases this is part of the babys development process. I feel very sad when this happens as I am already sitting in my home for her resigned from my job.She never wants to come to me. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. that Im not the only one whos going through something like this. 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