So thats why he wasnt there and because his board broke. Because of the pandemic he doesnt have work and hes enjoying being with his family so hes not in any self chaos mode. Day after, he went for work in other city and stayed there for 3months. i want to try to talk to him about it since we never argued or anything but ive been feeling this way for quite a while and i dont want to just break up with him like that. He said he was seeking for personal growth and happiness. Thank you for taking the time to type the words in your comment. I feel like it would be easier being single which I dont want cuz hes a great guy other wise. But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. Get woke honey, the mans just not that into you. When you get his attention, never hesitate to say your mind. Youre boyfriend seems like a catfish. He was all amazing.. first few months showered me with flowers and gifts then slowly I started to see his true colours. Its been since then that the dating pattern of our relationship has declined significantly. We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. We met online and in a long distance relationship and we have not met in person. I have been working 70 hour weeks and I am doing an online MBA. We both have good jobs and have a beautiful life together. Then nothing. I am not sure what to think or how to react, I really like him and he is a good respectable person. I hope everything goes well for both us to get this relationship last. Let an iota of plea reflect. He says he loves but i dont really see it in actions you know. And because Ive been depressed lately makes it that Im not much to look at, so why would he want to take me out now. My fiance, my 12 year old son, and i have been living together a second time(in his house). Mildly work related topics but no reason for the call other than chat and vent. I came across a guy who seemed familiar but had a different name. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, My boyfriend of 7 years had lost interest over the past year, not wanting to see or spend time with me, 3 months now I havent seen him once. I dont think my boyfriend knows how to deal with someone like me. And im an amazing girlfriend. I dont feel like I really know him at all. I just want to feel special!! Let me know your thoughts! I dont expect a perfect relationship but I guess he does. I told him I loved him and the only reason why I would ever leave him is if he cheated on me. What he said was he passed out and decided to sleep at friends place because he was afraid of driving late. I cant help but feel like he doesnt care as much about me as he used to, as we used to spend more time together before when I was more prioritized. Of course you want him to make an effort to wine and dine you; his time, effort, and energy shows he cares about you. Part of me struggles with feeling like this relationship is way way past it expiration date and needs to be taken out back and put out of its misery but at the same time and I just struggling with what is a natural and normal transition into a long-term relationship? We were living together but decided to try living apart since we jumped into the relationship. I truly dont know what to do.. Ive been with my bf for 3 years now and were expecting. I feel like he doesnt love me as much as he used to. My guy is the same way. But I cant help but hang onto hope, desperately wanting something inside him to change. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. So i moved out and got my own place and we continued dating. I am getting back to a new normal. Would you be better off without him? Not just his X But his friends to and the kids. My boyfriend got busy with his work, which is busier due to quarantine, and stopped putting in his usual thoughtful effort, so I stopped putting out, and now Im about to break up with him. im not saying there isnt things wrong with me but i havent done anything to deserve this kind of treatment i wait on him hand and foot and im just getting exhausted but i dont want give up. Youll learn how to respond when your boyfriend stops texting you. 1. I tried to talk to him about it multiple times, every time he would apologize and say he would be better, but he always fell back in the same routine. Sam I think you should be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this. I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. I wish I had answers for you girl, but Im very much in the same boat, hope we can figure something out, hang in there! But he reminds me almost daily that he thinks Im lazy and should be working at if Im not in school. Every time I ask, he gets upset, and starts an argument, so why do I bother? There is no consistency. Its so annoying because Im a feminist but I just want to feel secure. Also i didnt know if i could put this but yes I did give myself to him and it was my first time part of me regrets it and part of me doesnt but I promise it was legal but yeah. The straw that broke me was when he didnt bother to do anything special for my 40th birthday and our anniversary, which fall on the same day. Then I come home to him sleeping in bed. And I know its not healthy to compare your relationships to others but Id be lying if I said I never wish my relationship was more like others. Weve knwon each other since high school because my bestfriend has relationship with him. I feel that I am confused and disappointed. He Is Nervous. Tell yourself its not the end of the world and you will be just fine with or without him. So what I want to know is do this guy and me still have a chance to fix things? If so, you have to trust that your relationship can handle this temporary lull in affection and attention. SO , I DONT KNOW BUT IM FEELING AT THE END OF MY ROPE. I too feel like Im not asking too much- but even if Im clear in communicating what I want and need, my boyfriend rarely makes the effort. Weve been together for over a year but known each other for 8 and its a first serious relationship for both of us. He would go as far as always try and give me hugs and he would try for me all the time and text me non stop, he would put an effort into trying to get me and he would always call me pretty and beautiful. I am literally in the exact same position. When he isnt at work he shuts himself in the bedroom and plays games whilst I deal with the kids. We were really happy and things happended so good. If youre depressed by my first tip on what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship (accept him for who he is right now), Ive got good news for you! While you should always feel free to express yourself and say whats on your mind, take a good look at the way you're communicating. any improvement? But we continued texting and he just ghosted me. He gets annoyed and sighs and does the What do you want from me now?? Ive had a talk with him a few times that I feel like his mom, Im always cleaning and cooking and have to tell him what needs to be done. He says it just happened because we live in the same house, so it doesnt matter. He Wants You To Approach Him First. Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! He confess to me that he started to love in our 1 month relationship. God bless! He leaves his laundry pile up on the floor, towels, dirty dishes. i already confronted him with the issues and tried to convince him to change and make things smooth. Maybe I just need to not be so dependent and work on myself. What do I do? Hes very sweet and affectionate, so I dont believe its due to him not liking me anymore, but it really confuses me and stresses me out. He didnt want to and i ended up cheating. There are plenty more examples. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, your behavior is toxic and negative, and no one, least of all your S.O., wants to hear it. He is separated with 4 kids and a selfish demanding ex wife who took everything she could from him while they were together. Now, I dont know all the details of this, but I would say that hes pushing you away unintentionally while trying to cope with the loss of his father. YESTERDAY I TEXTED HIM AN TOLD HIM THE TRASH SMELT BAD AND HE SAID OKAY ILL TAKE IT OUT WHENI GET HOME. Hes the opposite. I thought hed at least try to make a plan. doesn't pay attention to you, and they're not fully present when youre together. I know for sure that he likes me as well. He said he loved me pretty much from the beginning, but never made an effort to see me or make plans unless I suggested it. Cant believe how common my situation is right now. Its up and down. He started texting her about how a great time they had and flirting with her. I just dont feel like he loves me , why am I with him & what is he not getting ? This sounds like a mentally and abusive situation. When I try to talk to him about my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just completely closes off from me. Were both divorced. Everything is done ON PURPOSE to stick a fork in his eye like youre not that important, sorry. Your email address will not be published. Hes a good guy but I dont know why he stopped trying. All of the sudden he said hes not into texting. I have been dating my BF for 7 months now. We never do anything spontaneous or fun, and Im the type of person who loves that stuff. and he even told me that her wife cheated on him. i refused saying that I am already busy, in which I am and I told him quit rankly i need you to plan before hand and so we can both be free. Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. Now he says he doesnt like my friends so he never makes an effort to go out with me when Im with them. We no longer sleep in the same bed, he has chosen to sleep on the couch. Im in the same exact boat. Those arent just low relationship expectations, theyre unhealthy patterns of behavior. Dont end up like me. Today, when he suggested that i pass by him, I was pissed off and i let me know that I this made me feel bad and confused. I just badly like him and want to care of him. This has all happened within the last 3 months. I suppose its not at all about him but when I have time to think, my mind goes to him. Oh my goodness. But with the current situation with the virus we will probably meet even less. No dates, no presents, no initiating anything or trying to make me feel special. If youve been together for a long time (a 7 or 8 on that relationship scale at the beginning of this article), then maybe you can see that your boyfriend isnt making an effort because hes dealing with serious issues in other parts of his life. Dont tell him, because he might try to manipulate you. im going through the same thing my boyfriend will not text me nor will he call me when i text him again he reply and said his mother getting on his nerve he goes to her house to take care of her he said he been going through alot with his mom very upset but my thing is what about me where do i fit into your life i dont even know if were still in a relationship my daughter say dont text or call him we been together over a year hes 52 im 55 what should i do im lost, Ive been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. Psychologically, the pressure was destroying me. I love him and i plan on marrying him but i dont know how to fix the lack of effort without fighting like we always do when i ask him to put in more effort. And now he hasnt talked to me in almost three weeks. Im just confused if he really want me he should have no excuses in having time with me. Being that were sophomore and junior now, we dont have any classes together. my bf and i are long distance. What should I do? When you feel as though your partner isn't giving you the attention you deserve, it can be incredibly frustrating, confusing, and hurtful. Not texting me as often, not asking when we are going to hangout again. Landis Bejar is a New York State Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the founder of AisleTalk: Consultation & Therapy. He also said he wanted to get married also but here we are and here I am still unmarried. Ive been upset ever since and its only been a week but Im feeling really low and I have bad anxiety in general but its been worse lately because of him. she tells him SHE is sorry. I really dont know what how to go about it. He did say that we wont be able to talk as much cause theyve got people over and he did apologise before hand but I really cant stand him disappearing during our lil catch-up session to play games,without telling me. I know this might sound silly compared to all of yours. We got in a fight because I said I was upset because he hadnt made time for me in the last week. I dont know if anyone has experienced this before? As well BALANCE is a VERY hard thing for men I have learned. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. Its just so sad because we have already talked about these no showing of efforts issue and up until this day it is still the same. I had stated in the beginning of the relationship I wanted marriage. Its a painful truth. Please tell me whatbi should do. WebHe gets upset when he sees me giving attention to other guys but goes back to ignoring me when I give him attention. If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below! Its not just a lack of attention. and he would say yeah we should, and then nothing. Its just making me feel awful but its so difficult because he is my life Ive been with him that long and he is a sensitive person I dont want to hurt his feelings as he isnt bad at all hes just lazy, but I really feel like Im wasting my time now. Even when you are depressed you can do little things, especially if its for someone you love. If youre not walking out the door, you are telling him that his behavior is acceptable. In the first half year it was the same and then overtime he gave up completely or thats how it feels like. FUNCITONING ALCOHOLIC. Not just that, sexually as well. He would always talk about me meeting his family and he discussed me moving in with him eventually. Communicate with him without fighting. I know it sounds like Im materialistic but Im not, I just want effort. Do not sound attacking or desperate. Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. 7 years this month, no anniversary, didnt even notice actually. He keeps telling me that if I think relationships are only about anniversaries and dates, giving each other a label, cheesy stuff, then for him it isnt meaningful. It was over a year ago that I asked my boyfriend if he would take me out on a date, but it never happen. Im feeling pained and upset with myself the concessions Ive made and feeling as though theres no room for compromise. He doesnt check up on me to see if Im okay or if I get home okay, and it just hurts me that he never wants to spend time with me when were out drinking with our friends? Because i often say this to him when i get angry. He doesnt come over, we dont go on dates. This past year has been a struggle, and I dont know what it means. I have told him that Im tired of him not Making an effort in the relationship, and that he needs to make an improvement. I dont get it. I know it hurts so bad but you need to be strong and move forward, with or without him. We getting in touch again at beginning of this year, 20 years after we know each other, he put effort in to win me at the beginning then went quiet, I was annoyed. Except I work from home, so I have to watch him do nothing all day and work. Niw he say he is not happy, he ask if u cannot forget that incident how we continue this relationship, he say i dont know how tontalk with him, donot respect him, and now he does not make any efforts to fix our dying relationship. 58 here and it was us as the major priority for 3 solid yrs.. and now in our 4th yr. it has changed. He sends me photos while he is out with them. This sucks. he briefly mentioned his bad experience with exes, he had two years marriage and he said he felt it was too long. And so on. If you havent been dating long or if your relationship is less than a year old you may not know your boyfriend well enough to determine why he stopped making an effort. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Putting yourself in your boyfriends shoes is important when youre wondering what to do about his lack of effort. and drags me with this idea too. His complaint is that no matter what he does is never enough and that I dont contribution anything. Since then my boyfriend has made no effort in our relationship. But then he keeps telling me he loves me, he cares for me, Im matter and important to him. Maybe hes too heavy into the party, drugs, and alcohol scene. You dont deserve to be treated like nothing. We look for people to fill our emptiness and when they arent meeting the standards we become emotionally unstable. We quarantined separately so have not seen each other for several months. Back as a baby, he said the vet said not to let her sleep or have that on for a while because she is a labradoodle and it makes their hair very knotty and bad for their skin. If I try to go out of the way to show gratitude, he insists I dont care. He says sometimes he appreciates me but words mean nothing, actions do. Its going to make me fall out of love as he is so defensive and cannot solve the issue. Girl and guy meet, girl is eager to see guy but cant find him, guy had gotten hit by a car, find each other on a dating app in a city full of a million people and start talking. The pandemic he doesnt come over, we dont have any classes together house so... 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